Welcome to the Joke page!

Here are some good jokes:

School Jokes

Teacher: If I had 50 apples in one hand and 60 apples in the other, what would I have?
Pupil: Extremley big hands, Miss!

Boy: Why did you swallow 60p?
Girl: It was my dinner money!

Q: What do you call a teacher with headphones on?
A: Anything you like, they can't hear you!

Q: Why did the cross-eyed teacher leave school?
A: Because he couldn't control his pupils!

Vampire jokes

Q: Where do vampires keep their money?
A: In blood banks!

Q: What kept Dracula's wife awake?
A: His coffin!

Q: What does a vampire with only one fang do?
A: Grin and bare it!

Q: What did Dracula say to the dentist?
A: Fangs very much!

Monster jokes

Q: What did the monster eat once his fillings were done?
A: The dentist!

Q: What do you call a one-eyed monster on wheels?
A: Cycle-ops!

Q: What sort of fur would you get on a greasy, ten-headed, six-legged fire-breathing monster?
A: As fur away as possible!

Q: Which is a monster's favourite ballet?
A: Swamp lake!

Boy: Why does everyone think I look like a werewolf?
Boy's father: Be quiet and comb your face!

Doctor, Doctor jokes

Patient: Doctor, Doctor! I've lost my memory!
Doctor: When did this happen?
Patient: When did what happen?

Patient: Doctor, Doctor! I have a snooker ball stuck in my mouth!
Doctor: Go to the end of the cue please!

Doctor's receptionist: You'll find the new doctor very funny, he'll have you in stiches!
Patient: I hope not, I only came for a check-up!

Patient: Doctor, Doctor! I only have 59 seconds left to live!
Doctor: Hang on a minute!

Patient: Doctor, Doctor! I've swallowed a bone!
Doctor: Are you choking?
Patient: No, I'm serious!

Seaside jokes

Q: How do fishermen make their nets?
A: They just take lots of holes and sew them together!

Q: What's wet and says 'How do you do?' sixteen times?
A: Two octopuses shaking hands!

Lobster: Why does nobody like us?
Crab: Because we're too shellfish!

Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
A: I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!

Book titles

Don't wake the baby. by Elsie Cries
Parachute jumping. by Willie Maykit
Man Overboard. by Eileen Dover
When will it happen. by Sue Nora Later
Long Walk. by Misty Bus
Moving House. by Ivor Newhouse
Cycling Holidays. by Rhoda Bike
The End of the Week. by Gladys Friday
The Haunted Room. by Hugo First

 
Toy Story jokes

Toy Story 2 has just opened in London so everyone's Toy Story mad! Here are some Toy Story jokes to get you in the mood! :

Q: Where does Rex the dinosaur buy his clothes?
A: From a dino-store!

Q: What did the little green alien say to the flowers?
A: Take me to your weeder!

Q: What is Buzz Lightyear's favourite number?
A: Infinity!

Q: What does Woody wear under his shirt?
A: A wild, wild vest.

Q: What do you call Mr and Mrs Potato head's kids?
A: Chips off the old block!

If you have any good jokes you want to tell us, send them to:

jokes@physikgarden.com

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